When in Bommanahalli, be a Bommanahallian!

The following are a few questions and answers about Bommanahalli:











Q. Where can you find autos in Bommanahalli?



A. Everywhere.



Q. How can you find out if an outside auto is running on Bommanahalli roads?
A. It would have a meter.



Q. What is the capacity of a typical Bommanahalli auto?
A. 5 + 3 + 1

Q. What is the age of the youngest auto driver in Bommanahalli?

A. 9 years

Q. Which is the biggest bus stop in the world? Mention its dimensions.
A. The Bommanahalli Bus Stop. It is situated along the barricades separating the Hosur main road and the service road. It is 300 meters long and half as wide as hosur main road.


Q. If you want to go in the wrong way in Bommanahalli, who should you ask for help?
A. Traffic police.

Q. Ramu was walking on the footpath in Bommanahalli.
What is wrong with the above sentence?
A. Bommanahalli does not have footpaths.

Q. Trying to catch a running bus Ramu fell into the open drain in Bommanahalli.
What is wrong with the above sentence?
A. There is a punctuation mistake. There should be a comma(,) after bus.

Q. Name a few funny sign boards in Bommanahalli.
A. "No Parking", "No Right Turn", "Auto rickshaw nildaanavalla"

Q. What is the formula to calculate the number of vegetable vendors on a Bommanahalli road?
Illustrate with an example.
A. V = (Rl / Vl) * 2
where V = no. of vegetable vendor bandis.
Rl = length of the road in meters.
Vl = length of the vegetable bandi in meters.
Eg: The length of Kodichikkanahalli cross road is 100 m, and each vegetable bandi is 2m long.
So, No. of vegetable bandis, V = (100/2)*2 = 100
*2 is because there are 2 sides for a road.

Q. Where should you go in Bommanahalli, if you want to buy a SIM card? What documents do you need to get the SIM card there?

A. On the begur road, search for an umbrella. Just below the umbrella, you can find a person selling SIM cards at whole sale rates.
You dont need to submit any papers, other than the green ones with Bapu's photo.

Q. Where can you buy the latest blockbuster movie DVDs in Bommanahalli?
A. Opposite to Ganesha temple, there is a display of all languages movie DVDs. You will be able to find 3 in one, 4 in one, 5 in one, 10 in one movie DVDs there, at competitive prices.

Q. Which historical monument can you find in Bommanahalli?
A. The BBMP Office. You can get almost anything done from here by paying bribe. Sometimes, there are offers where the official fee is waived off.

Q. What are the various uses of Bommanahalli roads?
A. i) The shops can encroach upon the road, and the shop owners may place their boards, shop items on the road. They can assume that the road belongs to their shop, as part of super built-up area.
ii) The road can serve as the base to hold huge banners of our beloved politicians.
iii) The roads serve as parking places for the idle tempos, vans and lorries.
iv) The roads act as virtual shops for all the roadside vendors.
v) People may setup a stage on the roads, to celebrate festivals.
vi) The roads serve as walking paths for the pedestrains.
vii) People may treat the road as a garbage bin.
viii) The roads can also be used for vehicular movement.

Q. Describe the festive mood in Bommanahalli during Ganesha festival.
A. Ganesha Festival is celebrated very grandly in Bommanahalli. The streets will be lit up with thousands of 240 W bulbs on either sides of the road, the power supply drawn directly from the electrical lines. Several lanes would be blocked because of the pendal being setup. The loud speakers would be beautifully installed on many of the electric poles, and songs such as Babuji zara dheere chalo, chitranna chitranna, haley paatre haley kapada would be played all night so that Lord Ganesha - the God of Knowledge, blesses all the school kids to get good marks in the exams. This will continue till the visarjana.
During the Ganesha visarjana, all the shed hudugaru will be in full josh, playing colors and abusing people walking on the road.

Villu

Here is the story of the Tamil movie, Villu, starring Vijay (as told by a friend):

Vijay’s dad was killed by the villain, and his mother needs an operation! So he sells his land for his mother ! In order to take revenge, Vijay (Villu) has to go to America to kill the villain, but he has no money, no passport and no visa! So he decides one thing and comes to Chennai ! In Chennai, Villu climbs on top of LIC Building , gets blessings from Godess Kuruvi, and jumps from the top floor!!! But our Villu stays in air itself in same position! After 12 hrs, the earth rotates and since he is still in the same position, he jumps and lands in America ! He kills the villain and returns to Chennai the same way!!!!

Thank God, Rajinikanth was not the hero of this movie. If he was, he would have made Earth rotate backwards and go in the past, and kill the villain before the villain could kill his dad.

10 Rules of Musical Reality shows

1) The contestant has dedicated his/her life for music only. There is nothing more important in life for the contestant than music.

2) The contestant has been singing songs even before starting to speak. The dreams of the contestant, contestant's parents and grandparents are the same.

3) The contestant is a die-hard fan of all the judges of the show.

4) If the contestant did not sing the song well or forgets the lyrics of the song, it is either because he/she had high fever or he/she was thinking about a family problem when performing.

5) Irrespective of who comes to the "Danger Zone", the judges are always shocked, and disappointed with the public for voting less for those in the danger zone. Some even threaten to "quit" the show. But after assuring that none of the contestants will be eliminated, they unquit the show.

6) When there are 2 contestants in the danger zone, the one who does not get eliminated cries more than the one who gets eliminated. He/she will also plead with the judges to have him/her eliminated instead of the other person, but in vain.

7) "You are a winner", "Your future is bright. You are the superstar of the future" "God bless you"- These are some of the comments the eliminated contestant will receive. The episode will end with "Kabhi Alvida na kehna" or "Enaagali mundhe saagu nee" for a Hindi show and a Kannada show respectively. The eliminated contestant will also get a "standing ovation" as consolation.

8) The contestants have to appeal for votes from public, after explaining their family problems. The public has to send millions of votes to save their "favourite" contestant, who, by default will be of their own region. However, the judges may overrule the decision of the public, and not eliminate anybody from the show, thus making all those millions of votes (public money) go in vain.

9) There has to be atleast one wild card entry to bring the losers back to the show.

10) The special guest for the Grand Finale will be a bollywood superstar whose movie is about to release. You will forget the name of the "winner" of the show in a few months.

10 Rules of Daily soaps

1) If there are n number of good characters, there will be 3n number of negative characters.

2) The good ones will always be crying, either because of joy or sorrow, mostly because of sorrow. The bad ones keep sniggering when the good ones are hurt.

3) Irrespective of the character being good or bad, he/she will always tell lies. The bad ones lie to cause harm to the good ones, and the good ones lie so that their loved ones are not hurt.

4) The "very good" characters of the serial will cross all limits of sacrifice to bring "happiness" to their family.

5) The answer to the question "Kya baat hai? Tum kuch pareshan lag rahe ho" shall always be "Kuch nahi. Aisi koi baat nahi"

6) When a good character is deeply hurt, and feels that there is nothing left in life, the well-wisher will always utter the words "Sab theek ho jaayega"

7) The servants are to be considered as family members, and if something is missing in the house, nobody has to suspect the servants, because they are innocent.

8) There will be atleast 4 generations living in the house.

9) The "acche sanskaar" will be promptly passed on from one generation to the other.

10) The good characters in the serial will always be mistaken to be bad. But in one fine episode, it will be made known to everyone that the good person is actually a good person. And also, the bad intent of the bad person will be brought into light. But, the good person will forgive the bad ones, and also make sure that the bad person is not punished or thrown out of the house. This will encourage the bad ones to play some more games with the good ones. And the good ones blame God for all this.

Government work

If you are one who keeps cribbing about Government work not being done properly, do you know whom to blame?

You have to blame God for it.
Confused? Just visit Vidhana Soudha (in Bengaluru), and you can see a big disclaimer right at the top of Vidhana Soudha, which says:

GOVERNMENT WORK IS GOD'S WORK

So, let God do the work, and we'll relax ;)

Nice to see you after a long time!

Well, this expression is very suspicious, as far as I am concerned.

What is the nice thing?

That you are "seeing" that person after a long time

Or that you are seeing that person after a "long" time?

Is somebody saying "Nice to see your blog after a long time"? hahahaha

How is married life?

This is one question which has been "haunting" me ever since I got married. The first thing that every person on my gtalk and yahoo IM friends list would ask is "How is married life?" I got so much irritated of answering to the same question, so many times, and many times to the same persons, that I put it as my status message on my IM. (FAQ: How is married life? Ans: going well).

Then, after a few days, came the next question - "Any good news?"

I contributed to the development of my country's politicians

I voted.

Mujhko bhi to lift karaa de

In the movie "Yaarana", Amitabh Bacchan comes to city from village for the first time, and sees a strange thing called "a lift" in one office. He sees two young ladies enter the lift, and when the lift reopens, two older women come out of the lift. So, he feels this machine would make any person grow older, and denies to enter the lift.
I'm sure anyone who would watch the above scene would burst out laughing. But there are a few funnier characters in my office who behave indifferently when they are near/inside a lift.

1) Impatient types - These people walk in dandi march fashion towards the lift, as though they have to reach the terrace, where their personal copter is waiting to pick them up. When they enter the lift arena, they press all the buttons, doesnt matter if its pointing up or down. And when the lift doesnt open after 4 seconds, they keep pressing the pressed button until the lift opens. When the lift is about to open, their nose is almost touching the vertical bisectional line of the lift. And when the lift opens, they barge into the lift without even caring that some people are trying to get out of the lift. And after entering the lift, they realize the lift is going down while they wanted to go up. So, just before the lift closes, they come out of the lift cursing it.

2) Lethargic types - These people will be lost in their own world. They just stand in front of the lift door, without even bothering to press the button for the lift to come. They keep staring at the lift until it opens. When the lift opens, they just walk inside the lift as though they are sleep walking. After entering the lift, they choose to stand right in front of the lift buttons, making sure none of the buttons are visible to others standing in the lift. Sometimes, they rest their forehead on the place above the lift buttons, and stay in that position while the lift has gone from ground floor to 5th floor and come back to ground floor.

3) Busy types - Typically the so-called Managers, with their laptop attached with the adapter in one hand, the laptop being partly open making it look like a harmonium, and a stylish mobile phone in the other hand. They enter the lift with these gizmos, and their hands are so occupied that someone else has to press their floor button. And they keep screaming in the mobile, "Yes, I'm inside the lift, Im in ground floor, I just reached first floor, I'm in between 1st and 2nd floors, Hello ......... Hellllllooooo ......... Helloooooooooooooooooooooooo ... Damn the network". Finally, they get out of the lift, still on phone saying "Sorry, there was no network inside the lift. I can see you now"

4) Sporty types - After playing (read as "insulting") tennis for 90 mins, they are exhausted, and hence need a lift to go from ground floor to 2nd floor. Their bag is so huge that after they enter the lift, there is only 20% of free space available in the lift. Needless to say the aroma which the other people in the lift can enjoy, created thanks to the sweat glands of the Agassis.

5) chaiwaalas - These people will have a burger in one hand, and a hot cup of chai in the other. They will enter a crowded lift, so that the burger is millimeters away from the mouth of the person standing to the right and the hot chai can fall anytime on the person standing to the left.

What is your type?

Needless to say

This is another phrase I do not understand. If you actually see the usage, it is something like "Needless to say, he is a nice guy". If it is needless to say, then why are you saying it?

Another such expression is "He needs no introduction". And the speaker keeps talking for half an hour about the person, who needed no introduction.

Needless to say, these are useless expressions in the English language.

Had your lunch?

This is one question that annoys me a lot.

What do u mean by "Had "your" lunch?" I feel that the person who is asking me this question feels I steal someone else's lunch and have it everyday. Why can't people just ask "Had lunch?"

Another such question is "Your good name, please?" Even before knowing what it is, you are using such a nice adjective against it. You cheat!

There are other such idiotic questions and phrases which I can not recollect right now, because I'm hungry. So, I'll go and have "my" lunch.

Supernatural Powers

Whenever I used to watch a horror movie, I used to laugh, and make fun of those movies. i always believed that nothing like ghosts, super natural powers really exist in this world. I used to behave like the hero of any typical horror movie before interval.

But a few instances in my life made me change my thought about these things.

I started believing in super natural powers while watching the movies Yuvvrajj, Chandni Chowk to China and Delhi-6. I know none of these are horror movies, but while I was watching these movies on DVD, my arm moved by itself, went towards the DVD player, and pressed the "Eject" button, and the same arm then went near my forehead and started banging it.

Now, I know that some external forces do exist along with us.

And I know they are reading this blog as well!

Cycle Repair Shop

There is an "emotional" ad which comes on TV these days, asking us to save petrol.

Here's my version of the same:
Father and son in a car waiting for the signal to turn green.
Son sees that none of the vehicles are truned off even in the traffic signal.
Son suddenly says, "Cycle Repair Shop"
Father does not understand.
Son continues: "Maine soch liya hai. Jab main bada hounga, tab main cycle repair ki dukaan kholunga"
Father: "Kya?? Kyun??"
Son: "Jiss thara aap sab petrol waste kar rahe hain, future mein tho petrol bachega nahi. Tab tho sab cycle hi chalayenge na"
(*** THE TWIST ***)
Father smiles and stays quite.
Son: "Paapa, mere itna bolne ke baad bhi aapne car off nahi kiya"
Father: "Bete, agar main car off kar doonga, tho tumhe bada hoke petrol pump pe kaam karna padega. Isse accha hai ki tum khud ki cycle repair ki dukaan khol lo"

Blog Intro

Hi Guest,

Let me introduce you to my blog.

Guest, this is my blog. Blog, this is my guest.

Well, I dont want to write things about myself over here, because I dont want this blog to look like my autobiography.

I would be just putting accross some random thoughts. Hope you people enjoy reading them.

Yours truly!